Aftermath

when it's over
all said and done
you'll look at yourself
i'll look at myself
backwards
at what i was
when it was
i'll ask myself
was it worth it
was the right decision made
why the fuck didn't you know any better

why weren't you more mature
why couldn't you be more of a man
less of a
boy

and i'll answer
because
i am only 18
i still hate capitalizing
anything
ever
i hate using the word
ever
as i don't believe there is
'ever'
it doesn't exist, this
ever, forever, never
sever

i am still a boy
i cannot see what i have
when i have it
why
i am lucky
how kitsch
and cliche
my writings are
i don't care
i just need to exhale
my soul needs to exhale
my heart needs to exhale
i've been holding my breath for
7 months
and loving every minute of it
now
conclusion seeking
hopefully finding